Imposter

I took Banks out for his customary 1.3 this morning, and even though I had said I’d do an outdoor walk on weekends, I wavered all day.  I felt like a stranger in my new gym on Friday. I wanted to go in today with the luxury of time, and find out the important things like, what is the locker room like? Do I need to bring my own lock?  How do you get the sound on the TV?  Is there some kind of outlet on the treadmill where you can plug in headphones?  Will I be able to turn the channel to CNN or whatever I want to watch?  Is this one of those gyms where I’ll be okay with my cut-off, self-styled “yoga pants?”  There were very few women there yesterday after work. 

I remember feeling very similar when I started walking on the trail.  It seems funny now – Banks and I own that thing!  Would I stick out like a novice?  Did I have the right kind of shoes?  Would people think I was a fitness imposter?  Would I get lost? It’s not that those thoughts dominated; it was more of an occasional nagging, muted, distant taunt, a holdover from an acutely self-conscious adolescence.  In a week or two I’ll be laughing about that too.

But as much as I wanted to jump into it today, I also wanted – want – to remain as true to the blog as I can, which is “Five Mile Walk with a Piebald Pit, With a Temporary Detour to Avoid Heat Stroke.”  My goal is three days on the treadmill, three days outdoors, and the easiest days to walk outdoors will be Saturday and Sunday, so I’ll reserve those days as much as possible.

Around 5:00 I met up with Lynn and friends Stacy and Shub and their two kids from Houston, at Amy’s Ice Cream.  Dark chocolate mixed with peanut butter cup; that was my dinner.  Then we went to her house, and they all went out to dinner (I skipped it because I hate Indian food). I took that opportunity to do the rest of my walk.  I walked home (.9), grabbed a better pair of shoes, back to Lynn’s (.9), and then another 40 minutes around Stacy Park.

Can you believe it?  Tomorrow is July 1.  The halfway mark.