When I read through my old blogs, I think that people must think I'm schizophrenic. How does life go for most people? For normal people? Aren't I a little old for my emotional temperature to vary from day to day, sometimes within the same day? Wasn't that supposed to end with middle school?
Last night I had a powerful, adreneline-fueled walk, a response to a tense day-long meeting. Tonight I barely had the energy to put my shoes on, much less walk five miles in them.
I didn't get the promotion I went up for a few weeks ago. No reason I should be shocked, there were several very qualified people vying for it. But I was disheartened. Deflated. And that's not the mindset that makes you want to strap on those shoes and hit the hills.
But strap them on I did. There was a nice, brisk, not-cool-but-not-warm breeze, which seemed to give Banks a little more liveliness -- he lasted just under an hour. It was hard to do that last 40 minutes by myself, but I used the time to shut off the podcast and reframe. To work, very hard, on lingering and unwarranted feelings of resentment or entitlement. I can't say I was completely successful, but I know myself well enough to know I'll be better tomorrow, and better than that the day after. For tonight, though, I think I'll indulge in a little self-pity. There's a pint of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream in the freezer with my name on it.
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